May 12, 2015

I was so happy not to have to step on the grey box this morning.  I woke up imagining that I had already lost 5 pounds.  Wouldn’t that be nice!  I actually took the time for the first time in years to make myself a sandwich, cut up carrots and strawberries as well for lunch.  And when it came time to eat them at lunch (ok, so maybe I didn’t make it all the way to lunch because I was really hungry and ate at 11:30!) it was the best thing I ever tasted.  A small step, but it was no burrito or quesadilla (my favorite) from Moe’s….. Ohhhh Moe’s!  yummmm

I had a great day and was feeling positive until I drove home from work.  I have to drive past a Chinese and Japanese restaurant every day on my way to and from work.  The smell on the way home was intoxicating, I wanted to lick the air and taste the food.   By the time I got home, I was so hungry I didn’t even bother to make the dinner that was planned.  Instead, I reheated the dinner from the night before and fed my children whatever they wanted.  I felt terrible not fixing them a proper dinner.  My daughter had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and my son butter noodles.  I was so fixated on getting myself something, I let their needs go by the wayside.  Naturally, I feel guilty and ashamed.  But I am also full and I end the day successful, staying within my calorie intake for the day.  Upon completing my entry into My Fitness Pal, I am told I will weigh 216 pounds in 5 weeks…. Boooooo.  That is no different from yesterday.  Despite my upset, I don’t (for the first time in a long time) decide to eat a pint of ice cream as a snack before bed.  I brush my teeth and eat nothing else.  Will power prevails!