today was definitely better.  I did end up going over, but not too bad so I was happy.  In comparison to the last few weeks, it was much better than I have been doing.  Tomorrow my goal is to be right on or just under my calorie intake.   I am going to do it!!!

I am just chug-a-luggin’ along… literally.  I drank a bunch of wine today.  A fat day.

We are going on a camping trip for Labor Day weekend this coming weekend and I know staying on track will be impossible.  However, I am making it a goal that I stay on track for the next four days–  I need to do something positive given that everything has been negative.  I was feeling a lot better today and feeling more positive in general.  I am feeling pretty good that it will translate into a good few days!

I didn’t bother writing last night because it is just more of the same to report.  Being fat is awful– and as awful as it is I can’t bring myself to stop being fat!  I want to stop being fat—

How do I get back to where I was when I was in this to win it.  Not to say that I am not and that I am not going to get back to this… but I want that spark that made it so easy to do this before.  It is like a light switch went off that had been on.  I want to turn it on, jolt it on, shock it on…. something!

Very blah today… Didn’t have the greatest eating day- but again still many positives- like a healthy breakfast, lunch… Just eating too much for dinner!     I think when my husband gets back from his business trip and we can get back into our routine it will get easier.   With that said- it wasn’t a completely awful day.  I did hop on the grey box and I was down to 203… Which is good.   I am not going to get in the habit of getting on the grey box everyday– I was just curious to see how much real weight I put on and what was just the result of a bad weekend.

Hmmmm..well today was definitely better.  I did end up going over (because I planned to have a dinner that had a lot of calories and I just didn’t realize how many extra calories), but it was WAY better than the last couple of weeks.  Let’s consider the positives: 1) I ate Greek Yogurt for breakfast; 2) I ate veggies and a sandwich for lunch; and 3) I had a healthy snack.  All of those things are very positive– tomorrow I just have to plan a better dinner.

NOW- for the less positives today, I had a date with the grey box and it was worse than I anticipated.  205.2– for a gain of 9 pounds.  Yikes!  It was a good wake up call… let’s get back on this!

Tomorrow I am getting on the grey box– I need to start anew and just suck up the fact that I have put a bunch of weight back on in the last 3 weeks.  I need to stop the weight gain in its tracks.  I definitely went over all weekend– Day 106 will be the start again.

Today was actually a better day.  I was really happy.  I still went over, but not even close to the past three days.  In fact, I started the day with a Greek yogurt like I had been doing and I found I wasn’t going crazy all day.  I did go a little nutty at dinner because I was hungry and I just ate stupid stuff AFTER I had tacos (like some fruit loops and a pack of fruit snacks…. why– self sabotage I guess- I can’t seem to let myself have a good day).

I haven’t really touched upon this because I don’t like to talk about it, but I think that I have been looking for some comfort.  My husband is away for business for two weeks and he has been really busy with work and away a lot even when he has been home (and this has been the case for MONTHS).  I think to comfort myself I have been eating more… in fact, I am pretty confident that is the case.  It is not an excuse, but it is an explanation.  I need to find something else to comfort myself, but I just don’t have the wherewithal right now to do it.

Today was success and progress in inches… and inches are ok.  I would like to move along in feet, or yards… but inches will suffice for now.

When will I get back on track?  It isn’t a matter of if, it is a matter of when.  I want to get back on track right this second, but it just isn’t happen.  I will do it very soon….. very soon, within days.  Maybe it will be tomorrow.  I want to get back to writing about all of the good things I was doing and not the awful fat things I have been doing.

Today wasn’t any better.   I am going to get back on this.  I am.