Today was one of those long days at work where I didn’t get home until the kids were getting ready for bed.  When I got home I shoveled in dinner as fast as possible because I was hungry and I wanted to spend some time with the kids. I have a picnic to go to tomorrow with my husband for the local rotary club I am a part of.  I have to make sure that I keep myself in check so as to continue to have a good week after coming off of a long weekend of eating.   I would write more, but I am so tired I need to go to bed.

Today was great because I was completely on track.  I did follow through with what I stated and I did not have a date with the grey box this morning.  It felt good to not feel so tied to it.  I will weigh in next Monday and resume the weigh-ins, but I am happy I decided to take a bit of a break.  I think I would have been disappointed and coming off of a weekend of going over, I might have just continued that cycle today.  I always feel like I am on the verge, or teetering right on the brink of falling completely off track.  So far, I think this journey has been a success– I know I have stated it already but I really feel like this time is different for some reason.

Tonight for dinner we had grilled apple chicken sausages with sautéed onions.  I love them.  I want to eat more, but that would have put me over for the day so I didn’t.  However, they just might have to become a regular in our weekly meal book.  We usually always do grilled chicken one night and tacos another.  Then we have many other things that we cycle through.  The way we cooked the chicken sausage tonight- it makes me want to eat it again tomorrow!  Feels good to crave something that isn’t bad for me… which gets me thinking, I haven’t been having a huge urge to go to Moe’s lately.  That is a huge plus.

We had an amazing time away in Maine for the Holiday weekend.  We camped on an island close to the beach and spent the days sitting by the shore.  The weather was great, the kids were great and the food was great.  Although I did end up going over every single day, I didn’t do nearly as much damage as I typically would have.  However, with that said, I have decided that tomorrow morning I deserve a pass and will wait another week to weigh in.  I am sure that I wouldn’t be that happy with what I saw and I would rather not ruin what was a great weekend by looking at the grey box and beating myself up all week.  Because I want this to be a long term change for me (and because I did a lot of small things over the weekend that I have never done on vacation, like continue to have yogurt for breakfast instead of pancakes, eggs and sausage), I want to keep all the positive things in my mind and take the week to recover.  It is ok if every week is not a loss, as long as I don’t jump completely off the horse.  And I have no intention of jumping, I plan on this being a really long ride.

Tomorrow morning bright and early we leave for 4 fun days in Maine.  I can’t wait!!  I made sure I stayed within my calories for the day.  I am hoping I am able to do that tomorrow as well.  As for Friday, and especially Saturday (the 4th), I have no intention of staying within my calories.  I know I will go over and I am looking forward to it.  My goal really is to not go so crazy.  If next week when I weigh in I could be below 200 pounds, that would be amazing.  But really, if I just maintain that would also be a giant win.  I am not sure if I am going to be able to write in the blog for days 53, 54 and 55… I don’t even know if I will have cell phone service.  If I do– I will check in on the progress and write updates.  Otherwise, I will update everything on Sunday night when we are back.

I have one more day of work before we leave for a long weekend of camping in Maine.  I am so excited and I can’t wait.  I had another good eating day today and need to have two more good days.  Although we are leaving on Thursday– I really want to stay on track that day as well.

I am currently going through a massive upheaval in my life.  I am really realizing that I am unhappy with my work and I would like to have a change.  I am considering going into an area of work that will take a couple of years to complete– I feel like I made the wrong decision as a stupid 19 year old to need the best…. but really had no idea what the best was.  And now I kind of regret that decision.  Not completely, but a little.

Not only can I not wait to go away this weekend, I can’t wait to get away from work and unplug.  I also can’t wait to do something else… open a new chapter in my life.  I wonder if I am so anxious for that change that I am not properly considering everything and maybe jumping at something that is not realistic.  Or not something I should do… I just don’t know.  I wish something would just fall in my lap… I have been wishing that for 8 years, and as much as I know it just doesn’t work that way, I keep wishing for it.

So I am 50 days in and the grey box rewarded me this morning with an additional 3 pounds down for a total weight loss of 24 pounds for a new weight of 200.6.  I haven’t been under 200 pounds in so long, I really can’t wait.  And of course this will be the toughest week to have a weight loss because I will be away camping for a good part of it.  But for now I am SO happy to have lost 24 pounds in 50 days.  It makes me excited about where I will be 50 days from now.  I know I will be slimmer, happier and hopefully well below 200 pounds.  I would love to see a number in the 100’s next week.  That would just feel amazing.

Tonight I went out to dinner with an old friend and did a good job of staying within my calories for the day.  I had an awesome salmon salad.   I really wanted chicken wings and a burger– but once I had the salad, it was so good I was glad I ordered it.  I now have gone 8 straight days without going over my calories.  We leave on Thursday, I would like to stay on track through Thursday– but I know Friday and Saturday will be really tough.  I know I will go over, but I don’t want to go too crazy.  I just have to keep telling myself all week that I can do it.

I did it.  I have completed 7 days without going over my calories.  Tonight I kept track of all of my pizza and I had a glass of wine.  I ate all of my calories for the day, but I didn’t go over.  I can’t wait to weigh in tomorrow morning.  I am hoping it is a really good success.  I also don’t have any plans of not going over every single day in a week next week or any other time– as it is really hard and I need to have a day to go a little over.  For instance, tonight I am sitting here writing as my family all eat ice cream cones.  I really want one.  If I have one, I will go over my calories… so today I won’t.  But going forward, I am still losing weight even when I have little indulgences… so I know it is ok to build those in.  I will be interested to see how well I do tomorrow having not gone over all week.  I also am looking forward to an ice cream cone.  And I am most excited about camping this coming week– we will see how eating goes…

6 days down.  One more to go.  It is SOOOO tough, but I am so close to having a whole week of staying within my calorie intake.  Last night was tough, we had a picnic we went to at our church.  Tonight was tough because my husband and kids wanted to go out to dinner (we did not, we stayed home and ate what I had planned).  Tomorrow is going to be tough because I promised everyone I would make home made pizza (which I have not made in a long time).  I am really going to have to watch it during the day because the pizza has a lot of calories– so I have to make sure I have enough left at dinner time.  I can’t wait to weigh in with the grey box on Monday morning– I am feeling really good… hoping that it is a really good weigh in.  I have had such a great week– but I am feeling deprived as well.  I still need to find that balance.  I am worried that after I weigh in on Monday I might go a little crazy.  I need to not do that, especially since we are going away for a long camping weekend over July 4th holiday.  That will be a real test of my new healthier lifestyle the 4 days we are away.

I have been doing such a great job exercising will power that I am worried I will pop and have a really, really bad day… or week. Or just fall off track.  I really have wanted a coolatta or ice cream cone, blizzard– something really bad for me.  I also have been having cravings for Taco Bell.  It has been way worse this week because I have not built anything “special” into this week.  I think that is the key, I need to have something to look forward to in terms of going “off” the diet a bit and not being super restrictive.  My goal is still to finish this week not going over at all, only 2 days left!  Today I stayed within my calories again.  But I better build something fun into my new eating routine, because today I felt like I was ready to pop and completely derail.

Today was another solid day.  And again extremely busy.  I am starting to feel a lot smaller.  I know I still have A LOT of weight left to lose, but my legs, arms, shoulders, neck and face all feel smaller.  And my clothes are really starting to show it.  They are really hanging off of me.  I am not ready to try on smaller pants because I am confident they will still be too tight, but I know I am getting closer.

Tomorrow night I have a picnic for my kids to attend as part of the bible camp.  That will be a true test as it will be hard to stay on track there.  I will need to make sure I have eaten before hand, or else it could get ugly.  I only have 3 more days to stay on track… I know I can do it.