Today I allowed myself to have an alcoholic drink for the first time in 12 days.  I had a diet gin and tonic.  Actually I had two.  However, what was different was I stopped at two and I counted every calorie.  They were good and it felt good to limit myself.  As my husband and I were eating dinner (our children were watching a movie) we were chatting about what we are going to do for our 10 year anniversary next year.  We have said for a few years now we are going to go on a big trip, just the two of us.  We are at the point now that we are trying to determine what to do.  Ireland, the Caribbean or an all out trip to California with numerous wine stops.  They all sounds amazing.  Out of all of them, I would like to do something exotic.  For our honeymoon, we went to Europe and Turkey for two weeks.  It was amazing.  I want to do something like that again, amazing.  I suggested going to the Caribbean, going on an awesome cruise.  Or perhaps Peru, something different.  My husband didn’t object, but he also expressed his concerns about going on a trip like that when we look the way we do now (and keep in mind, he is not the least bit over weight…. he was being nice… he really was talking about me).  And he is right, I never want to go do something beach like because I am a fat cow.  But for the first time in a long time I feel like this time is going to be different and we can plan a trip like that.  But I think I need to be doing this a lot longer for him to believe it.  He says he feels like this time is different for me (And I believe him when he says that because he is honest with me), but I also think before we embark on that journey and spend that kind of money, there needs to be more results.  And he is concerned about how comfortable, or uncomfortable, I might be on the trip.  I am concerned about that as well.  The truth hurts.  It hurt to hear him say those things– but he is right.  If I was not self-conscious he likely would not have said anything.  But I constantly talk about my weight with him, so naturally, he is concerned about how I will be.  And that is why I love him.  It is also why, more than anything, I really want this time to be so much different and I want to be successful like I have been in the past.  I know I can do this.